Baltimore's BEST Kept Secret? This Hotel Will SHOCK You!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average, sterile hotel review. We're diving headfirst into this place, warts and all, and I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what I thought. And trust me, it's going to be a rollercoaster. Let's call it "The Honestly-Too-Long Review of [Hotel Name Redacted, For Now]".
(SEO & Metadata Stuff at the Bottom – Don't Worry, I Got You)
First things first, Accessibility. Now, I wasn't specifically looking for a wheelchair-accessible holiday (thank god!), but I was nosy. I poked around. The website blathered on about "facilities for disabled guests," which gave me a little spark of hope… then a reality check. There were elevators, at least. And the hallways seemed wide enough. But real talk? I couldn't find clear details about adapted rooms. They claimed they were there, but I'm a bit cynical. This needs more information… and actual users' feedback.
On-site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges: I didn’t get a chance to truly gauge this as I was focused on other elements.
Internet access: Okay, this is where it gets interesting… and a little infuriating. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Hooray! Except… let's just say my connection was about as reliable as my ability to stick to a diet. More on this later. Internet [LAN] - never even saw it, never used it. Modern times, people! Internet services - they had them, in theory. But the speed was… well, let's just say I felt like I was back in the dial-up days, waiting for a webpage to load.
Wi-Fi in public areas: Better, but still spotty. I was trying to upload a picture of my breakfast (because, priorities) and it took about five minutes… for a small JPEG.
Things to do/Ways to Relax: This is where the hotel showed off. Big time. They're pushing all the right buttons… at least on paper.
- Body Scrub/Wrap: Didn't try it. I'm more of a "watch Netflix and eat chips in a robe" kind of relaxer.
- Fitness Center: Looked impressive from the outside. I peeked through the window and saw… people actually working out. Wow. I just stared. My inner couch potato won again.
- Foot Bath: Now that sounded tempting. Regrettably, didn't find time.
- Gym/Fitness: See above.
- Massage: Ah, yes. The siren song. I did indulge, because… travel. The massage was good, not mind-blowing. A solid 7/10. Could have been firmer, but the masseuse definitely earned her money.
- Pool with view: Stunning. Absolutely breathtaking. Infinity pool overlooking the ocean. Seriously, the photos don't do it justice. Spent a good chunk of time there, just… staring. Pure bliss.
- Sauna: I did the sauna. Ah, the heat! Clean and comfortable.
- Spa: They made it look good.
- Spa/Sauna: See above.
- Steamroom: I’m a steamroom type of guy. It was good, nice a steamy.
- Swimming pool: The main pool was busy but clean. The view, of course, was the selling point.
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: Same as above.
Cleanliness and Safety: This is where things get… 2023, right?
- Anti-viral cleaning products: The air smelled clean so it looked promising.
- Breakfast in room: No, but I was at least able to order coffee.
- Breakfast takeaway service: No idea, I'm not a takeaway breakfast kind of person.
- Cashless payment service: They had everything.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Seemed legit. The staff were constantly wiping down surfaces, and that made me feel very safe.
- Doctor/nurse on call: Thank goodness, because I probably still wouldn’t call them.
- First aid kit: Always a good thing.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere. Like, everywhere.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: I didn’t test the water, but I did give the laundry service a go. It was… efficient.
- Hygiene certification: They definitely talked about it. I hope it's legit.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Seen everywhere.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Attempted, but a buffet gets crowded, let's be honest.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Okay, I didn't see a Hazmat team, but everything seemed spotless.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Always a good option.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: You better believe it.
- Safe dining setup: Tables are far apart.
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Seemed fine, I am not a food critical type of guy.
- Shared stationery removed: Good riddance.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Seemed so.
- Sterilizing equipment: In use everywhere.
Basically, they're taking this seriously. I felt reasonably safe, which is a huge plus in this day and age.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Ah, my happy place. Let's get messy again…
- A la carte in restaurant: Yes.
- Alternative meal arrangement: They were very accommodating.
- Asian breakfast: Tried it. It wasn't my jam, but it was available.
- Asian cuisine in restaurant: Yep.
- Bar: Good selection of drinks. The bartenders were friendly.
- Bottle of water: Free ones in the room, thank goodness!
- Breakfast [buffet]: MASSIVE. A little overwhelming, honestly. (More on this later.)
- Breakfast service: Efficient.
- Buffet in restaurant: Yes.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: Unlimited. Woohoo!
- Coffee shop: There was.
- Desserts in restaurant: Yes.
- Happy hour: Definitely checked that out. Some good deals, good vibes.
- International cuisine in restaurant: Yes, and it was good.
- Poolside bar: Awesome. Sipping cocktails while soaking up the sun? Yes, please.
- Restaurants: Multiple. Something for everyone.
- Room service [24-hour]: Tempting.
- Salad in restaurant: They had them.
- Snack bar: Got my snacks.
- Soup in restaurant: They had soup.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Plenty of options.
- Western breakfast: Absolutely.
- Western cuisine in restaurant: Yes, and it was solid.
IMPORTANT NOTE about the Breakfast Buffet: Okay, the breakfast buffet. It was enormous. Like, a staggering spread that could feed a small army. The problem? The sheer volume of food became a little… stressful. So many choices! I found myself aimlessly wandering, plate in hand, suddenly questioning the meaning of life, and the best way to eat a croissant. I’m usually not an indecisive person, but here, I felt like I was drowning in options. First-world problems, I know. But still. It was a little overwhelming. I ultimately ate way too much, which is a criticism of myself, to be honest.
Services and Conveniences:
This is where the hotel shone. They were very accommodating.
- Air conditioning in public area: Yes.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: Don’t know.
- Business facilities: More than I needed.
- Cash withdrawal: Yes.
- Concierge: Super helpful. They really went above and beyond to help me book tours and figure out transportation.
- Contactless check-in/out: Smooth.
- Convenience store: Helpful.
- Currency exchange: Helpful.
- Daily housekeeping: Excellent. My room was always spotless.
- Doorman: Check.
- Dry cleaning: Fast and efficient.
- Elevator: Yes.
- Essential condiments: Always available.
- Facilities for disabled guests: See my earlier notes.
- Food delivery: I’m not a delivery expert, but I’m sure they can make it happen.
- Gift/souvenir shop: Yes.
- Indoor venue for special events: Yes.
- Invoice provided: Yes.
- Ironing service: Available.
- Laundry service: Efficient.
- Luggage storage: Yes.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Yes.
- Meetings: Yes.
- Meeting stationery: Seen everywhere.
- **On-site event hosting
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't going to be your perfectly-curated Instagram travel story. This is the real deal. This is… Red Roof PLUS+ Baltimore North - Timonium, Lutherville, Timonium, United States – Unfiltered. (And maybe slightly deranged, but hey, embrace the chaos, right?)
Day 1: Arrival… and Immediate Regret (Mostly Kidding!)
2:00 PM: Land at BWI. Ugh, airports. Am I the only one who feels immediately more stressed the second they step inside? The sheer logistics are mind-boggling. Finding the rental place feels like navigating a maze designed by a sadist. Finally, I got the car, and it felt like a victory. Small victories, people. Small victories.
3:30 PM: Drive to Red Roof PLUS+. The GPS lady is already starting to piss me off. "Recalculating!" she repeats. Fine, lady, be that way. The drive? Totally unremarkable. The Baltimore sprawl is… well, it's sprawly.
4:30 PM: Check-in. The front desk guy is surprisingly chipper at 4:30 on a Tuesday. My room? Okay, it’s not the Ritz, but it has a bed, a TV that probably works (fingers crossed), and a vague scent of… something. Vanilla? Old air freshener? Who knows. I'm calling it "rustic charm".
5:00 PM - 6:00 PM: Room Inspection. So, I'm a hotel room inspector. The bed feels soft enough, the TV works, the bathroom is clean enough. No complaints.
6:30 PM: Dinner. I hit up a nearby diner. (Because what else do you do when in a new town?) The waitress, bless her heart, had seen it all. "Honey, you look like you need a burger and a milkshake," She wasn't wrong. And surprisingly, it hit the spot. The burger was messy, the milkshake thick. It was the quintessential comfort food. I eavesdropped on a couple at the next table who were celebrating an anniversary - a good reminder that it's the small things that matter.
8:00 PM: Back to the room. I swear, I'm exhausted. Maybe all the travel is catching up to me. I started watching the TV, it wasn't the most entertaining show. I felt pretty useless at this moment and I just wanted to get a good night's sleep.
Day 2: Horse Country & Existential Dread
- 8:00 AM: Wake up. Actually, it's more like drag myself out of bed. The bed, by the way, was surprisingly comfy. Score!
- 8:30 AM: Breakfast at the hotel (it's free, so you know I'm there). The usual suspects: stale pastries, lukewarm coffee, and a sad-looking apple. But hey, fuel is fuel. I grabbed a coffee. It was decent, it could have been better. There was a couple that I overheard talking, they were talking about moving to a new city or leaving their relationship. I didn't want to be nosy but I did feel kind of sad for them.
- 9:30 AM: Drive to a local horse farm. Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for horses. They're majestic, elegant, and… poop a lot. The farm was beautiful, rolling green hills, and the horses were just stunning. This is where things got weird. As I stood there, watching a horse graze, a wave of… well, something… washed over me. Like, a weird mix of awe, and the crushing weight of the universe. Am I the only one who gets existential when surrounded by nature?
- 11:00 AM: Trying to have a pony ride, it was a small pony, it was kind of scaring me a little bit but I wanted to enjoy it. It was a great experience.
- 12:00 PM: Lunch. I ate at a sandwich shop. It was an above-average sandwich shop.
- 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Spent a lot of time hanging out at a nearby park. I did some people-watching. I am starting to admire people for how they handle their own lives.
- 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM: After wandering around a bit, I went back to the hotel to find a way to relax my mind. The existential crisis from the horse farm was still lingering. I sat for a while, thinking about how to go on. Eventually I started to feel better and I figured out how to relax my mind.
- 7:00 PM: Dinner at a local Italian place. Ordered way too much pasta. Ate it all. Regret.
- 8:30 PM: Back to the room, collapsing on the bed. Another day bites the dust.
Day 3: The Unexpected Charm & Departure Anxiety
- 9:00 AM: Slept in! Glory! Now, I am not going to say I'm a morning person, but I feel the need to take advantage of the extra time I have on the last day.
- 9:30 AM: Head to the mall for some breakfast. Grabbed a coffee, read a book, and spent a bit of time relaxing.
- 11:30 AM: Back to the room to pack my bags. I don't know why, but the thought of leaving is making me feel a bit sad. I felt like I made up my mind to stay and enjoy the place, there goes the thought of having a normal life.
- 12:30 PM: I checked out of the hotel. The staff was great and I felt like I was leaving something behind.
- 1:00 PM: I was off to the airport, leaving all the memories and experiences of this trip behind.
Final Thoughts:
This wasn't a perfect trip, but it was mine. I had moments of joy, moments of existential questioning, and a whole lot of greasy-food-induced bliss. And that, my friends, is what travel is all about. The grit, the imperfections, the moments that make you feel alive. Baltimore, you were… interesting. And Red Roof PLUS+, you were a solid place to rest my weary head. Until next time, adventure awaits! (Even if that adventure is just finding a clean gas station bathroom.)
Escape to Paradise: Sheraton Melville's Long Island Oasis Awaits!
So... What *is* this whole "thing" anyway? You know, the thing we're (kinda) talking about?
Alright, alright. Let's say, hypothetically, we're discussing... baking sourdough bread. (Okay, it's not hypothetical. We're absolutely talking about it. My starter, Betty, is JUDGING me right now.) It's this whole process of coaxing a living blob of… stuff… (I'm trying to be technical here; it's flour and water, alright?) into a bubbling, fragrant monster that somehow morphs into a crusty, glorious loaf. It's science, it's art, it's a LOT of cleaning up flour dust.
Honestly? It's a bit of an obsession, but a pretty rewarding one.
Okay, sourdough. But why? Isn't it…complicated? My grocery store bread is so easy!
Complicated? Honey, you have NO IDEA. But here's the (twisted) beauty. It's this commitment to… almost daily maintenance. The *feeding* of the beast. Because the little yeasties and the bacteria in the starter—that's what makes the magic—they need to eat. And you KNOW how I feel about commitment! (Just kidding… mostly.)
But the *why*...that's easy. It's the smell. That first tear into a warm loaf… the tang… the sheer fact that you *made* this. It's a tiny victory against the crushing weight of… well, everything. Plus, the store-bought stuff, let's be honest, tastes like sadness.
How do I actually get started with this sourdough thing? (And try not to make it sound like a Ph.D. thesis.)
Okay, deep breaths. It *sounds* intimidating, but it’s not rocket science (though sometimes it feels like it). The basics:
- Get a starter: You can buy one, but honestly, growing one is part of the fun (and pain). Mix equal parts unbleached flour and non-chlorinated water. Stir. Wait. Repeat. For like, a week. It’s gonna be a stinky, bubbling mess. Embrace it. (Or hold your nose, your choice.)
- Feed your starter: Once it's showing signs of life, you have to feed the bugger. Discard most of it, then add fresh flour and water. It's like having a tiny, demanding pet.
- Make the dough: Combine your starter, flour, water, and salt. (Okay, this isn't a super simple recipe here, but it's *essential*)
- Bulk Ferment: Your dough now needs to rest and proof. This can take hours. It all depends on the temperature.
- Shape: Then you shape it into a round, a batard, or whatever tickles your fancy.
- Proof (again!): This means letting it rest again, usually in the fridge.
- Bake: Hot oven, Dutch oven is best for that perfect crusty bread. And voila!
See? Simple.
Alright, Betty, the starter. That seemed… important. What if my starter *dies*? (Asking for a friend… who is me.)
Oh, the agony. The existential *crushing* despair. I've been there. (Okay, not literally, but I'm *sure* I have.) You'll know it's dead if it's refusing to bubble, doesn't double in size after a feeding, and smells like… well, something worse than armpits. Sad armpits.
First, don't panic. (Easier said than done, I know.) Try feeding it a fresh batch of flour and water. Maybe a different type of flour. Sometimes, all it needs is a boost! If that doesn't work... consider starting over. Yes, it stings. But think of it as an opportunity to... you guessed it... bake even more bread.
The good news: starters are resilient. They've survived plagues, famines, and my kitchen disasters. They can probably survive yours too.
What if my bread doesn't... you know... look like those perfect loaves on Instagram?
Oh, sweetie, welcome to the club. Mine rarely looks like those gorgeous, artisanal beauties. In fact, I once baked a loaf that looked like a hockey puck. A particularly *ugly* hockey puck.
Here's the deal: sourdough is temperamental. Temperature, humidity, flour type, mood of the universe – it all affects it! Dough can come together, then fall apart. You'll have "flat loaves" and "dense bricks" and loaves that are just plain sad. Don't let it get you down.
The *taste* is what matters! Is it crusty? Is it tangy? Does it support the butter? Then you've succeeded, even if it resembles a geological anomaly. And hey, even my hockey puck loaf was delicious, once I got through the initial disappointment.
Is there a *right* way to make sourdough?
Absolutely not! I've read a million recipes at this point, and they all vary. (And trust me, I've *tried* them all. At least the ones I thought I could handle.) There are so many different flours you can use, different proofing times, different baking methods... It's like… baking with a Picasso. Or maybe a Jackson Pollock. A chaotic but delicious masterpiece.
The "right" way is the way that gets you a loaf you love. Experiment. Mess up (you will). Learn. Embrace the imperfections. And for the love of all that is holy, *don't* get discouraged.
Okay, fine. But the scoring... that's the only thing I'm actually doing *right* right?
*Sigh*. The scoring. Oh, the glorious (or not-so-glorious) scoring. You're talking about the cuts you make on the top of the dough before baking, right? The ones that are supposed to be all artistic and stuff?
I get it. You're envisioning that Instagram-perfect bloom. That lovely "ear" that rises majestically from the loaf. The *perfect* slash.
I've tried. Oh, have I tried. And honestly, I've failed... a lot. Sometimes my scores look like a cat scratched the dough. Sometimes the bread just… explodes in a random, uncontrollable way. Once, I think I accidentally created a loaf that looked like a screaming face.
But you know what? It's still bread. ItFind Hotel Now
